operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
