i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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