WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize