if you like me you must not know who I am
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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