Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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