I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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