Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize