Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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