we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
