I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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