A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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