I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
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