Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
