He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
