just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
True strength comes from lack of pants
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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