Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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