Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
