Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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