So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
