i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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