I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
