Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
