I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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