I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
