it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
