Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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