Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
