and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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