I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
