i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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