i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
