wanna go halves on a baby?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
