Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
