just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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