So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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