it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
