he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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