You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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