After last night, I could never be a politician.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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