Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
