his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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