This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
