I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
