video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
