At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you will always have a special place in my vag
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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