I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
