I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Randomize
