Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
