I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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