When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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