I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
