Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
