i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
