lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
