do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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