You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
