If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
