your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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