i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
