Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize