whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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