I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
