my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
