3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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