I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
