that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize