Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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