Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
