This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
