you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize