Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
