Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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