So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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