Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
