I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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