I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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