The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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