I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
