It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
